Girl Comet May 2013 - September 2021
Girl Comet was born in the heart of Artist and Fashion Designer Dalea in 2013, driven by her personal experiences being born with health complications related to androgen insensitivity and growing up in a challenging environment.
Girl Comet was an 'I understand, here is my shoulder' project, specifically for people born with differences of sex development (aka Intersex) and their families. It had a special focus on the sensitivities of the Latin community, as Dalea is Hispanic.
Why Do Differences Of Sex Development Occur?
No one really knows for sure why DSDs in births occur (DSD = Differences of sex development) or why it seems to run in families. In her specific case, in the past there was speculation to link it to the medication Dyethilstilbestrol, which her mother was exposed to due to previous miscarriages. This drug was discontinued once it was found to have negative side effects in babies and mothers. Dalea's mom passed away from cancer of the stomach, some doctors attribute it to her intake of the medication as exposure tend to stay in the body.
In 2018, an elder aunt shared with Dalea that she was born with a DSD. It was surprising that she waited so long to speak out; it would have been so helpful back when Dalea was a teen.
Through Dalea's work with GC she also met families with siblings or extended family members born with various forms of DSDs, so without being a medical doctor, it is more than logical to deduce that it is something that can run in families.
Girl Comet and Dalea are not MD's or Geneticists, if you want to learn more about this topic, it's mechanisms or which gene mutation(s) are involved in the many variations of of DSD cases that exist, consult a specialist. Dalea once quoted a doctor’s gene explanation for her condition without confirming, and it turned out to be the wrong gene. Do not assume a general doctor has fail proof knowledge in this area, go to doctors who posses a medical specialty.
Aspiring to use her struggle to offer moral support to women with DSDs while also striving to keep some semblance of privacy from the general public was not easy. In the beginning, before Girl Comet (14+ years ago) she was young and naive, she begun speaking about her life openly. Back then she even attempted to self-publish a book, one that she took out of the market as it came out because it did not end up the way she intended. Her utter inexperience as writer combined with low-end editors and subsequent re-edits turned it -and her- in to a circus meant to generate book sales, rather than to reflect her life. In the end, she felt it was garbage, so to the garbage it went shortly upon release and taken out of the marked; to someday -perhaps- write it properly.
Over time she experienced various interviews plagued with intrusive and tactless questions about her body which she was not mentally mature to handle. Dalea began to shift focus on uplifting people rather than on detailing specifics about her body. She also stopped sharing harsh portions of her childhood, including her mother's emotional health, which was a critical part of Dalea's struggles; there was (and still is) much trauma to digest. For Dalea -and very common in Latin cultures- respect for parents is critical, children do not speak ill of their parents.
What can be said, is that her mother suffered from emotional health challenges that were triggered by stress. The stress of having the father of her child leave, being too young to be a mother and having a child perceived as broken from the get-go by doctors was too much. Archaic, provincial medical information, terms and stone-age advise did not help, it only snowballed her mom's negative emotions towards her daughter. It all led to neglect and periods of abandonment. Misinformation led her to want to decide what gender she felt Leah should exist as. There were challenging periods of Dalea's childhood when she had to live in drag as the opposite sex when under her mom's care or while entrusted to the care of others who had zero say or power in the matter.
Dalea is grateful to her grandmother, as she was always allowed to live normally when taken into her care and housing. Her grandmother was a seamstress/designer of humble beginnings, she lacked many resources, but she loved and cared for Dalea deeply. It was her grandmother who taught her to have Faith, to believe in a merciful God and to focus in the good energy of life.
It is easy to judge and even hate those who are different, but not so easy to place yourself in their shoes, never mind surviving and raising above circumstances. The psychological shock-waves of living through and surviving things like this can't be quantified. Yet, not understanding does not grant permission or excuse cruelty, hate or mistreatment. Unfortunately, this is what happens much too often, this is what Dalea and many, many others like her must learn to raise above.
Dalea lived at various family members homes growing up, interchangeably. With health challenges, non-present parents, medical ignorance and lack of dignity, it's unsurprising that her self-esteem growing up was non-existent.
Some terrible things happened to her, as they often do to the young and weak when predators can so very easily identify them. She endured in silence, and almost ended her own life at 14.
Some unnecessary health issues also occurred due to neglect. With a mother who was a nurse, there was no excuse -other than neglect- for Dalea to contract Rheumatic Fever at 12, simply because she did not have a permanent guardian who could notice she had been coughing, having recurring fever and weakness for more than a year. She was only was taken to the hospital, once she became too ill with fever and her grandmother could not no longer control it with her home remedies. She spent weeks in convalescence with daily Penicillin injections. Dalea survived, but has sequels from having RF; it could have been easily prevented.
As a teen, when she was hospitalized to have corrective surgery, before intervention there was a conversation between her biological father and her doctors -all male-, discussing that her (normal ) 34B breasts were too small -for their standards of beauty- and "since she would be already under anesthesia" why not put implants in? She listened to them discuss her as if she were not in the room, as if they were discussing a broken car. And so they did it, adding a new layer of trauma to her life. It took years for Dalea to finally find a doctor who assured her that it was possible to remove the implants without having to take her breast apart and reconstruct them. Dalea experienced a little miracle that Christmas. Over a few months post surgery she saw her body revert to what it was years before, this is very uncommon. She thanks God and Dr Chong for this.
There is PTSD and sadness which Dalea chooses to not spend her life focusing on publicly, never mind go out and actively re-live her past experiences again and again by continuously sharing everything with the world. Her struggles are no one's business but Dalea and her family's.
One thing is peculiar, why does it seem to be those who have been deeply hurt the ones who display the most compassion and empathy for those hurting? The ones who feel the need to help others heal?
