Girl Comet May 2013 - September 2021
Girl Comet was an 'I understand' emotional support project for people born with differences of sex development and their families. We had a special focus on the Latin community. GC was born in the heart of Artist and former Fashion Designer Dalea in 2013, driven by her personal experiences growing up in a difficult environment and born with health complications due to androgen insensitivity.
Why Do Differences Of Sex Development Occur?
No one really knows why DSDs in babies occur (DSD = Differences of sex development), in her specific case, in the past there had been an inclination to link it to the medication Dyethilstilbestrol, which her mother took due to previous miscarriages. This drug was discontinued once it was found to have health harming side effects in babies and mothers. Unfortunately once exposure happened, it stays in the body. Dalea's mom passed away from cancer of the stomach, some doctors attribute it to her intake of the medication.
In 2018, Dalea's 74 year old aunt shared with her that she was also born with a DSD. Very surprising that she waited so long to do this, when it would have been so helpful back when Dalea was a teen. Through Dalea's work with GC she met families with siblings or extended family born with various forms of DSDs, so without being a medical doctor, it is more than logical to deduce that it is something that can run in families.
Girl Comet and Dalea are not MD's or Geneticists, if you want to learn more about this topic, it's mechanisms or which gene mutation(s) are involved in the many DSDs (also known as intersex) Variations that exist, consult an MD Specialist. Dalea once quoted a doctor’s explanation for her condition without confirming, and it turned out to be the wrong gene. Do not assume a general doctor has fail proof knowledge in this area, unless they state that they posses a medical specialty.
Aspiring to be of service as moral support to those with DSDs and their families while also keeping some private things private to the general public was not easy. In the beginning, before Girl Comet (14+ years ago) being young and naive she begun speaking about her case openly. Back then she even attempted to self publish a book, one that she took out of the market as it came out because it was not done right. Her inexperience as writer combined with editors twists and marketing edits turned it and her in to a circus meant to generate book sales, rather than to reflect her life; she felt it was garbage, so to the garbage it went.
Over time and negative experiences with morbid, intrusive minds and questions which triggered her trauma, Dalea began to shift focus on uplifting people rather than on detailing specifics about her body or sharing details of the medication suspected to be part of the mix in her case. She also stopped sharing harsh portions of her childhood, including her mother's mental health, which was a critical part of her struggles. There was (and still is) much trauma and shame. For Dalea (and in Latin cultures) respect for parents is very important, children do not speak ill of their parents. “Honor thy father and mother, so that it may go well with thee and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” Ephesians 6.
What can be said, is that her mother suffered from a mental situation that was further triggered by stress, the stress of having a child young and alone and her daughter being born with a DSD was too much. Archaic, provincial medical advise did not help, it further snowballed her mom's emotions and shame. It all led to neglect and periods of abandonment of her child, also deciding what gender she wanted Leah to exist as. There were challenging periods of Dalea's childhood when she had to live as the opposite sex when under her mom's care or entrusted to the care of others who had no say or power in the matter.
Dalea is grateful to her grandmother, as she was able to go live normally when taken back in to her care and housing. Her grandmother was of humble beginnings and lacked resources, but she loved Dalea deeply. It was her grandmother who taught her to have Faith, to believe in God and in the energy in everything. Dalea always emphasizes that she loves her mother very much (RIP), she understands her mom's own struggles.
It is easy for some to judge and even hate those who are different, but not so easy to place yourself in their shoes. The psychological shock-waves of living through and surviving things like this can't be quantified. Yet, not understanding does not grant or excuse cruelty, hate or mistreatment. Unfortunately, this is what happens much too often, this is what she and others like her must learn to raise above.
Dalea lived at four different family members homes growing up, interchangeably. Health challenges, a non present dad, the lack of protection of a mother, ignorance and lack of dignity, it's unsurprising that her self esteem growing up was non existent. Some terrible things happened to her, things she endured in silence. She almost ended her own life at 14.
A couple glimpses: Having a mother who was a nurse, there is no excuse -other than neglect- for Dalea to have contracted Rheumatic Fever as a little girl, simply because she did not have a permanent guardian or supervision to notice she had been coughing, feverish and weak for more than a year. She was finally taken to the hospital, once she became delirious with fever and her grandmother could not control it with her home remedies. She spent weeks in convalescence with daily Penicillin injections. Dalea survived, but heart scarring is one of the sequels of surviving RF. She was close to losing her life at 12, it could have been easily prevented with penicillin.
When she was hospitalized to have corrective surgery, on the afternoon before intervention there was a conversation between her bio father and her doctors -all male-, discussing that her (normal ) 34B breasts were too small (for their standards of beauty) and "since she will be already under anesthesia" why not put implants? She listened to them discuss her as if she were not in the room, as if they were about to fix a broken car. And so they did it, adding a new layer of trauma to her life. It took years for Dalea to finally find a doctor who assured her that it was possible to remove the implants without having to reconstruct her breasts. And what do you know? It was a woman. Dalea experienced a little miracle, over a few months post surgery, she saw her body recover to what it was before, this is very uncommon. She thanks God and Dr Chong.
There is PTSD and sadness which Dalea chooses not to spend her life focusing on, never mind go out and actively re-live her past experiences again and again by sharing everything with the world. Her struggles are no one's business but Dalea and her family's.
One thing is worth pondering about, why does it seem to be those who have been hurt and broken, the ones who display the most compassion and empathy for those hurting? The ones who feel the need to help others heal?.
