GIRL COMET AND DALEA FAREWELL AND RESOURCES

Girl Comet May 2013 - September 2021

Girl Comet was born in the heart of Artist and Fashion Designer Dalea in 2013, driven by her personal experiences of being born with health variations related to androgen insensitivity and growing up in a challenging environment.
 Girl Comet was an 'I understand, here is my shoulder' project, with a special focus on the sensitivities of the Latin/Hispanic community and aimed specifically to people born with differences of sex development (aka Intersex) and their families. 

Why Do Differences Of Sex Development Occur?


No one really knows for sure why DSDs in births occur (DSD = Differences of sex development) or why it seems to run in families. In her specific case, in the early years there was speculation to link it to the medication Dyethilstilbestrol, which her mother was exposed to due to previous miscarriages. This drug was discontinued once it was found to have negative side effects in babies and mothers. Dalea's mom passed away from cancer of the stomach, some doctors attribute it to her intake of the medication as exposure tend to stay in the body.

In 2018, an elder aunt shared with Dalea that she was born with a DSD. It was surprising that she waited so long to speak out; it would have been so helpful back when Dalea was a teen. 

Through Dalea's work with GC she also met families with siblings or extended family members born with various forms of DSDs, so without being a medical doctor, it is logical to deduce that it is something that can run in families.

Girl Comet and Dalea are not MD's or Geneticists, if you want to learn more about this topic, it's mechanisms or which gene mutation(s) are involved in the many variations of of DSD cases that exist, please consult a genetics specialist. Dalea once quoted a general doctor’s gene explanation for her condition without confirming it, and it turned out to be the wrong gene. Do not assume a general doctor has fail proof knowledge in this area, go to doctors who posses a medical specialty.

Aspiring to use her struggle to offer moral support to Hispanic women with DSDs while also striving to keep some semblance of privacy was not easy. In the beginning, before Girl Comet (14+ years ago) she was young and naive, she begun speaking about her life openly. Back then she even attempted to self-publish a book, one that she took out of the market as it came out because the finished result was not how she intended it. Her deep inexperience as writer combined with just as inexperienced editors and subsequent re-edits turned it -and her- in to a circus meant to generate book sales, rather than to reflect her life. In the end, she felt the book was garbage, so to the garbage it went upon release and taken out of the marked right away. Someday -perhaps- it will be written properly.

Over time she experienced interviews plagued with intrusive and tactless questions about her body which she was not mentally mature to handle. Dalea began to shift focus on uplifting people rather than on detailing specifics about her body. She also stopped sharing harsh portions of her childhood, including her mother's emotional health, which was a critical part of Dalea's struggles; there was (and still is) much trauma to digest; she does this privately. For Dalea -and common in Latin cultures- respect for parents is essential, children do not speak ill of their parents.

What can be said, is that her mother suffered from emotional health challenges that were triggered by stress. The stress of having the father of her child leave before giving birth, being too young to be a mother and having a child perceived as broken by doctors was too much. Archaic, provincial medical information, terms, and stone-age advise did not help, it only snowballed her mom's negative emotions towards her daughter; it all led to neglect and extended periods of abandonment. Misinformation led her to want to enforce what gender she felt Leah should exist as. There were challenging periods of Dalea's childhood when she had to live as the opposite sex when under her mom's care, or while entrusted to the care of others who had zero say or power in the matter.

Dalea is grateful to her grandmother, as she always allowed her to live normally when taken into her care and housing. Her grandmother was a seamstress designer of humble beginnings, she lacked many resources, but she was wealthy in love and care for Dalea. It was her grandmother who taught her to have Faith, to believe in a merciful God and to focus in the good energy of life. 

It is easy to judge and even hate those who are different, but not so easy to place yourself in their shoes, never mind surviving and elevating oneself above circumstances. The psychological shock-waves of living through and surviving things like this can't be quantified. Yet, not understanding does not grant permission for nor excuse cruelty, hate or mistreatment. Unfortunately, this is what happens much too often, this is what Dalea and many, many others like her must learn to raise above.

Dalea lived at various family members homes growing up, interchangeably. With health challenges, non-present parents, medical ignorance and lack of dignity, it's unsurprising that her self-esteem growing up was non-existent.

Some terrible things happened to her, as they often do to children who are young and weak, when predators can easily identify them. She endured in silence, and almost ended her own life at 14.

Some unnecessary health issues also occurred due to neglect. With a mother who was a nurse, there was no excuse for Dalea to contract Rheumatic Fever, simply because she did not have a permanent guardian who could notice she had been coughing, having recurring fever and weakness for more than a year. She was only taken to a hospital, once she became too ill and weak with fever and her grandmother could not no longer control it with her home remedies. She spent weeks in convalescence with daily Penicillin injections. Dalea survived, but has sequels from having Rheumatic Fever... when this could have been so easily prevented.

As a teen, when she was hospitalized to have corrective surgery, the night before there was a conversation between her bio father and her doctors -all male-, discussing that her (normal ) 34B breasts were too small (for their standards of beauty) and "since she would already be under anesthesia" why not do her a favor and put implants in? She listened to them discuss her as if she were not in the room, as if they were discussing a broken doll. And so they did it, adding a new layer of trauma to her life. It took years for Dalea to finally find a doctor who assured her that it was possible to remove the implants without having to take her breast apart and reconstruct them. Dalea experienced a little miracle that Christmas. Over a few months post surgery she saw her body revert to what it was years before, this is indeed very uncommon. She thanks God and Dr Chong for her surgical care.

Dalea has complex PTSD and some waves of random sadness, she chooses to not spend her life focusing on it publicly, never mind go out and actively re-live her past experiences again and again by continuously sharing everything with the world. Her struggles are no one's business but Dalea and her family's. 

One thing is peculiar, why does it seem to be those who have been deeply hurt the ones who display the most compassion and empathy for those hurting? The ones who feel the need to help others heal?

Dalea learned from her experiences before Girl Comet that even though she is now healthy, detailing her health complications would always turn her into a side show by interviewers. Many years ago she experienced how her existence begun to be reduced to that alone when she begun sharing details about her DSD and life, she did not want her new efforts with Girl Comet to be a continuation torture, she wanted her focus to be in uplifting latin/hispanic minds and to do her part in persuading girls and women born with DSD's away from having harsh thoughts or visions of self harm. Over the years, she did indeed share her full journey and childhood candidly in private -one on one- to the depth in which the person's situation merited it. It was her way of saying, I can understand what you may be feeling or going through, it is going to be OK, don't give up.

Being a Hispanic minority, there are enough mountains to climb already, no need to also make the depth of her despair and struggles a centerpiece of her life. So she streamlined her message and limited the sharing of physical problems or harrowing experiences publicly.

Girl Comet was dedicated to uplift, it was never intended for the entertainment of people without any connection to DSD's. It was never intended to be included in gender wars discussions, or to be a morbid pass time for idle minds. GC was meant as a ray of light and faith served in a non-judgmental, non-extreme, non-political environment. This is why she was never a YouTuber with Girl Comet (YouTuber = Someone who profits or monetizes from their channel ) and also why she never charged anything at all for lending moral support to those in distress in the too many hours to count phone calls that she answered throughout the eight years she was doing Girl Comet's work. 

It must be mentioned, she herself had to pay emotionally after each phone call, being psychologically unprepared to protect her own mind and heart, as her own untreated PTSD was triggered again and again. No one taught her that she had to be able to detach from each case and phone call after they ended, as psychologist are trained to do; so she absorbed it all. There was no monetary gain, except the feeling of doing god's work and attempting to help another human being in need. Indeed, people who monetize or exploit the pain of others for personal gain are evil.

After eight long years, on September 2021 it was announced that Girl Comet and Dalea were retiring all efforts.

WHAT'S NEXT FOR DALEA?

Dalea wants to focus on her personal life, family, career and to continue healing her life via therapy, which she started in 2022. It is in her nature to want to be of service and aspire for her life to count beyond herself, so she will focus on doing charitable projects focused on children and encouragement. She started by launching a YouTube Series titled 'The Treasury of Life', which consists of writings and fables meant to inspire and invite reflection. She supports the efforts of charities such as C.A.S.A. NY for children, which helps children in the dependency system. Also she asks for donations to DSDFamilies.Org, a peer support organization for children, teens and families affected by DSDs. The Treasury of Life premiered February 2022 and it's counterpart in Spanish La Musa Imperfecta shortly after.

Dalea believes that a noble purpose in life is the antidote to sadness, bitterness and anger.

FAREWELL MESSAGE FROM DALEA:

If you have a child born with a Difference of sex development:

Please do not think that you are guilty somehow for your child's health challenges or believe for a second that God is punishing you for something you may have done (as too many parents believe in some underdeveloped communities and countries). Seeking fault yields nothing positive or good for you or your beautiful baby. Remember, a child born with differences of sex development is not a tragedy, unless you make it so for them. With your love and protection, your baby will have a chance to grow up with healthy self esteem, which is critical in order for them to find the right path in life. If you do not choose love, if you do not protect your child's mind, you are starting a chain of negativity that will impact the rest of your child's life. Not only that, you will make your child vulnerable and easy to identify by predators and evil people.

We are all children of God and deserve love and dignity. We all deserve equal opportunity for success and the glory of attaining noble goals gained with our own efforts. We all deserve equal rights to walk this planet and to honorably create our own happiness as we see fit.

Contrary to what extreme minds will say. No one is above another simply by virtue of the way they were born or their ability to procreate. There is no superiority embedded within, simply by virtue of which shade of skin color we were born with or whom anyone loves... no one is superior to another based on the details of their birth, ethnicity or any detail unrelated to character. The acme of human excellence is circumscribed by an honorable tenacity to pursue one's goals, living a constructive life and having a kindness of spirit.

If your child was born with a variation of sex development -or anything out of the ordinary-, please focus on loving and helping your baby optimize their health, not on 'Fixing' them with unnecessary surgeries or placing them in roles that they may not be suited or born to live. Confidence, love, joy and fulfillment in life can only be attained if one believes that one deserves it.

As the wise Frederick Douglass said: "It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men."

If you were born with a Difference of Sex Developement or are in any way different than average people:

Please do not let shame or imaginary corrupted scenarios in your mind make you believe that you are a second class citizen of the world, as I mistakenly did for entirely much too long. Please don't wait to unconditionally start falling in love with yourself, because it is the key to everything. I promise I am working hard on this and on letting go of my own nightmares and unprocessed mind debris.

Being born different does not mean being born broken, when and if desired, nowadays almost anything can be corrected. Regardless, we deserve equal dignity and opportunities just as every other human being walking this earth.

Please believe this, when we overcome and conquer our challenges without rancor or vendettas, it is virtually impossible for our soul not to be transformed for the better in countless ways.

The best parts of me exist only because of what I overcame. Have faith that the same is absolutely true for you. 

I am cheering for you from the sidelines, beautiful being, wherever you may be.

-Dalea

"Take heart, gentle soul, you may not be like the rest of them, but you are still whole."

- Morgan Harper Nichols